We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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