i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
