Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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