I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
