my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My balls are so social today.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
and you fell through a lawn chair
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