walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
