Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
