forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
