mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
