SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
NoShamevember. You game?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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