I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
