Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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