I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
