Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
