this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
