It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
