you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
