when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
