Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
