I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
