I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
