I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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