What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
