well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
