A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
