I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
