i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
