Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
