mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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