Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
