I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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