dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
