she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
