You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
