i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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