Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
