Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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