Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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