Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
