Whod you bang
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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