yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
