She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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