We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
