Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
