Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize