if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
