We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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