I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
