my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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