I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
