Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
