I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
