I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
