She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
