oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
