just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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