She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
