i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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