taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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