Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
