i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
