woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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