i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
