My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
