Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
