K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
