Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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