bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
