Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
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